A mistress? Never ever!

Any woman who accepts to be some man's mistress commonly known in Swahili as mpango wa kando should know her value and worth and woman-up!

A mistress is a long-term female lover and companion who is not married to her partner; the term is used especially when her partner is married. The relationship generally is stable and at least semi-permanent; however, the couple does not live together openly. Also the relationship is usually, but not always, secret. There is an implication that a mistress may be "kept"—i.e., that the lover is paying for some of the woman's living expenses.

In the Bible, Mark 10: 7-9 " For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Notice, ....a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, NOT wives. And ....So, they are no longer two, but one.

Based on that, how does a third person come about??? Anyway I blame the "dark forces" a.k.a mashetani for that. It's not your will. But hey, you have a choice to let the "dark forces" influence you.

Before you accept to be this man's mistress, think. Think of the pain you are going to cause to his family. Think of how the children if any, are going to suffer because of you. Think of the way you are going divide attention and happiness between the man and his family. Think of the tears his wife is going to shed because of you.

Just so you know, the happiness of a mistress is just but limited.

There is no way he is going to leave his family because of you. No wonder he has kept you as a secret.

Well, sometimes it happens that you get to keep the man because he chooses to chase the wife away or she herself decides to walk away out of the humiliation the two of you makes her go through.

If in any case he decides to leave his family because of you convincing him by your threats, (you know those of...."mmh it's either me or her. Choose") just be prepared for a miserable life ahead of you because, you cannot ruin someone else's happiness and expect to be happy yourself. Never ever!

For some unknown and strange reason(s), I often tend to attract married men. It's something I have asked myself questions over and over but am yet to know why. And I know I need to seek divine answers concerning that because its really annoying! Note: I only said I attract them not that I have been in relationship with any. Or let me put it like this: They get attracted to me. You just don't know how upset I get when one approaches me.

The reason I get so worked up is because I am a victim of this inhumanity. I have seen my own mother go through the pain of losing her man (my dad) to some woman over there. Yes they are living miserably married after. Not that am happy about it, but it just confirms what I mentioned above. God is never going to be happy when you decide to destroy another person's life.

I remember the evening my mum packed her belongings and returned to her parent's home. She didn't decide to go. She was asked to, and to never dare take any child (me & my siblings) with her. Also NOT try to keep in touch with us by visiting. I was only ten years but the scenario is still so fresh in my mind as though it was yesterday. Mum was so pregnant with my baby brother now in high school - 3rd form. So pregnant here means, she gave birth to a bouncing baby boy the next day evening..... Imagine! How inhuman can a man get? She told me the story of how she walked kilometers and kilometers, so overloaded with her belongings.(in shagz there are no vehicles that one can pop in and drop off at preferred bus stop, you walk. okay that was then.....at least now its sort of developed). Lest I make you start wondering how shady my shags is :-) One would only need a vehicle for long distances. Long distance here is, when you are going to another town. Throughout the journey, she was in pain, extremely tired, mind you the amniotic fluid was pouring. That's what she told me.....

I don't like telling this story because it makes me want do give my flesh a.k.a the " old man" dominion.

Have I mentioned that I got to stay with my dad and my step mother at some point through my high school? Whaaat! that was the longest four years of my life.

To you man, I would advice you to never let your children have a step mother unless on basis that, their biological mum passed away or you never got to leave together after their birth due to mutual understating between the two of you. But still, this is only if it's necessary. If you can't raise your kids on your own and you must marry, then trust God for someone whom you know has a caring heart and will love your children as her own. There must be a few. I guess.

Thank God because of the grace He has given me and the ability to forgive my dad and my step mum. Otherwise, I will have a right to have them not to exist in my world.

So I hear this days there is a notion that has gotten hold of some sisters' minds that, there are no longer eligible men out there to be husbands. And so it's okay to be a second wife. Says who? That's crap.

Be informed that, whatever you make happen for another person, it will happen to you. If you really desire to have an enjoyable marriage that will function under faithfulness, trustworthiness, honesty and the works, then do not ruin someone else's marriage!

I will encourage you; WAIT for your own dude/man/husband. Am also waiting :-) and I will keep waiting because I know he will soon show up. You may ask how sure I am, Because God Himself has promised me that. He is not a man that He should lie and His promises are yes and Amen.

Isaiah 34:16 " Look in the scroll of the LORD and read: None of these will lack her mate. For it is his mouth that has given the order, and his Spirit will gather them together.

That's why I will never be a mistress.


Related posts:

1. WHAT IS YOUR VALUE?
2. So, you are waiting for Mr. Right.....are you a Miss Right?
3. What exactly defines a gentleman?
4. Humility is not a weakness

What exactly defines a gentleman?

The new choice English dictionary defines gentleman as: A man of good family and social standing; a courteous; generous and honourable man; a polite term of address.

Now,as there is this saying in Swahili that says tembea uone mengi (travel to see a lot).hehe...I know that sounds like direct translation.Does it? but again its self explained anyway.

So, in my world and in the process of traveling, for sure I have seen a lot in regards to the definition above for a gentleman.In that case, I have been left wondering what is it that really defines a gentleman? and by the way,do you need to know me so that you can act like one? so that you can be courteous?

The beauty about blogging is that, I get to to let go of what/how I feel and somehow get relieved :-)

Here is one of my encounters with a not so gentleman guy.....but I don't blame him.Though, am going to use him as an example.

As I was walking home from work the other day , some guys who clearly looked like they were coming from a mjengo (construction site) happened to be coming behind me  and greeted me as they passed. Actually it was one of them who said hi. As usual, I did not keep quite (like some ladies do) when someone who does not know me says hello to me regardless of who it is.Though, it sometimes depends on how you approach me.

So, this guy after I have been nice to him by greeting him back, he started getting ideas of taking it further. This are guys who were walking faster while behind me,then after greeting me, they slowed their pace and the next thing he shamelessly tells me is, "madam uko smart, ni come for intro? " ("madam you look good, can I come for introductions?").Well at least he was a little courteous here to request. Then in my mind am thinking Ok! it has come to this now! off course I didn't answer.I decided to seal my lips and just ignore them because honestly!. The guy talks and talks but believe you me, I didn't even hear a thing of what he was saying.The only thing I remember is when he said, "madam na umesalimika tu poa, sasa umeanza kuringa? na vile unakaa mature.tumeona weeengi kwanza wa Lavi sasa wewe ndio nani?" ("madam and you responded well, now you have begun to feel proud? and the way you look mature. we have seen so many in fact those from Lavington so whom do you think you are?"). Lavington is another posh residential area over there near my place.

Let me tell you this got me into my nerves.But clearly, how do you even start giving this kind of a person a piece of your mind? But luckily we diverted ways.

Have you ever seen during rush hour when people are "fighting" to enter into a matatu (public transport) the way some men push women while they struggle to enter first? well,this happens mostly in Nairobi. I am not sure about other places though. This act really upsets me.How I wish all men were sensitive and treat women like princesses whether they know them or not. By the way,will you as a man do that to a lady you know very well? So why would you treat a stranger like that? It's a small world remember.You never know where we will meet the next time. 


To be courteous does not cost you anything.does it?

There are a couple of points that if I was a man, I would apply in my life so that every woman around me would feel appreciated,loved,cared for and most of all feel like she is a princess....

• I will let her go through the door first whether I know her or not.

It's really impolite when a man forces himself to pass first.especially in a public transport.(this is where you  loose a lot of marks as a man).

• I will share my umbrella.

Have you ever seen when its raining, and a guy has this big umbrella all by himself and a lady is being rained on? selfish!

• I will not squash her in a bus/matatu.

It's really mean when a man seated next to a lady in a bus takes up almost all the space while sitting legs apart forcing her to seat on half a seat.shameless!

• I Will help her to carry her luggage. 

When walking and you happen to see a lady struggling with her shopping,it is kind to just offer some help up to where you can.thank you :-)

• I will handle her like a lady.

Now, have you ever seen when a man is handling a lady like as though she is another man? digress!  

And for you man who beats up a woman,worse is when she is not even your wife yet.how?! that's the ungentlemanly of the highest degree.anyway....that's a story for another day.

So, always remember that to be courteous is a virtue.won't you?